A Tale of Two Communities

After our recent trip to the US/Mexico border my housemates and I were asked to write a short story which we shared this last Monday, so I figured I would post it here so people can get a little picture of what my trip was like until I make the time to write something more. So, enjoy :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I look back to my trip to the border separating the United States of America and Mexico in the area around El Paso, Texas and Cuidad Juarez, Chihuahua from February of 2008, I immediately look past and also remember my trip to El Salvador in January of 2007. There are many similarities that tie the two experiences together, including the similar U.S. Policies that have impacted the economy of both areas, the influx of American culture, the simple yet delicious food, the language, along with the hospitality and community. But none of those various factors are what touch me whenever I bring to mind either of the two experiences. Instead, it is always the people, both those I met and those whose stories I heard. Heroes. Victims. Villains. Innocents. From the Zaragoza Fuentes family who is allowing their greed to overwrite the needs of poor workers, to the Archibishop Romero who dared to speak no matter the cost, to those working for Human Rights throughout all of the America’s, that is what brings meaning to these trips.
There are two particular stories that parallel each other, so much so that it is frightening to me because I know it must have happened and will happen in other times and places. It is the stories of two communities, La Cuchilla, located in San Salvador and Lomas del Poleo, located near Cuidad Juarez. Both communities are at risk of disappearing because powerful development groups want their land. They are both crying out for Justice, but few people even know of their plight, or even know that they exist in the first place.
Both communities exist because of a policy which seems to exist throughout Latin America, where if a person lives and makes a livelihood on unoccupied land for a number of years, they are granted title to the land. Both of these communities have existed for thirty years or longer, and were able to survive for so long mainly because their land held no value to anyone else. But now over the past few years these two places are threatened because the land has now become valuable, and because of their poverty these communities are seen as eyesores and problems, instead of the dwelling places for fellow brothers and sisters.
In the case of La Cuchilla, the land around them was developed as a Mega Mall, as large and as grand as any here in the states, and the community was squeezed together until it occupies only a small triangle of land between three highways. Because it is surrounded by brush, it is difficult to see the community unless you know what you are looking for, but even so the land developers want them gone. And in their place will be a beautiful nature preserve to show that the builders of the Mall are environmentally conscious. I guess they forgot that the environment includes people too.
Lomas del Poleo has likewise become a place of interest because of their location. As El Paso and Juarez grow, the Official border crossings are becoming more congested, so it is likely that a new location will be opened in the near future. Lomas del Poleo just happens to be near a likely spot for a new crossing, and because of a clerical error years ago the people do not have the official land titles that they need to prove that their existence is legal. Instead of being surrounded by highways, Lomas del Poleo is fenced in with barbed wire, with a guard shack filled with armed hired hands who prevent entry to all people besides the current residents of the community.
Both stories are filled with heartbreaks, with people slowly losing faith or buying into the whispers of the developers and turning against the rest of their community. Others have died, whether it is from the dangers of crossing a busy street, or from the beatings brought about by hired thugs. Yet, there is still hope, still strength. The trials have pulled the members of the communities together, organized them, and caused them to seek help and to call out for those of us in America to heed their cries. These are the places that seemed to me to be Holy Ground during my visit, even beyond the chapels and monuments I got a chance to visit.
I am one of the many who has heard their stories and been touched by their experiences, but yet I wonder what can I do? It is hard enough to impact the policies where I live, and here are those separated from me by borders and governments. At times, I feel as little as they do. But I hope that in time, as more learn and come together that the tiny droplets of each of our voices becomes a rushing stream, and that Justice will roll down.
For now, all I can do is cling to Love, and to believe in the truth I find in scripture that proclaims that “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Cor 13:7).

"We are prophets of a future not our own"

This is a prayer often called the Oscar Romero Prayer, although it was written by Bishop Ken Untener. Anyway, read it then read my rambling to follow :)

It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view.
The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is even beyond our vision.
We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise that is God’s work. Nothing we do is complete, which is a way of saying that the Kingdom always lies beyond us.
No statement says all that could be said.
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confession brings perfection.
No pastoral visit brings wholeness.
No program accomplishes the Church’s mission.
No set of goals and objectives includes everything.
This is what we are about.
We plant the seeds that one day will grow.
We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise.
We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities.
We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.
This enables us to do something, and to do it very well.
It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to enter and do the rest.
We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker.
We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I find myself at a crossroads. I will be graduating in less than five days, and my time at Regis draws to a close (at least for now, who knows what the future may bring). It is very bittersweet. I'm glad to leave, yet this has been a beautiful life-forming place over the last four years, and I feel like there is so much more I could learn by remaining hear... yet I know the opportunites to grow continue on.

For those of you who don't know I am going to be moving on into the Colorado Vincentian Volunteers starting in August 4th, where I will be working at the Metro Care Ring for the next year. I will be living with about 12 other people in an intentional community, who will all be working at other sites around the city. I know this experience is going to grow me as much as my four years at Regis.

I just came out of the final reflections for the current Romero House students as they wrap up their year along with me. It moved me deeply, partly because of my own connection to that house, and to some of the non-profits they worked at, along with our shared trip to El Salvador. But not only that, it reminded me of what exactly I'm aiming for in my life. One of my friends just recently told me how she is inspired by how I want to change the world.

That's what it's really about. This is why I know I want to work with college-age people. I've grown so much, challenged so much of what I grew up knowing, and continue to meet God in whole new ways. I haven't found many answers, but I am learning to ask better questions.

I've never really liked "Imagine" by John Lennon, I just couldn't get past the "Imagine there's no Heaven / It's easy if you try" part because that is so integral to who I am, the future fullness of the Kingdom of God. But maybe it really isn't how we expect it will be anyway. I still believe that Hell exists too, but I really hope nobody is there. I'm still by no means a fan of the song, but perhaps I should give it another chance or two.

I'm just little old me, screwed up and broken as I am, but that doesn't mean God doesn't use me. That doesn't mean change will not come through me. Even if that means my end, there is something greater. I'm not stupid enough to call suffering upon myself, but if it comes because of my faith and because of my ideals, so be it. I know I'm not alone so this is where I need to step out. I need to be a prophet of that future that is not my own.

My Journey in El Salvador Parte Cuatro

Hola,

Well, I've been back here in Colorado for awhile now. I will try not to make this too long, but there are many things to cover.

My last email was right before we went to the village of Pappaturo. It was a very eye-opening experience. Cliche term, but I do feel much more aware than I was previously.

Unfortunately, I didn't get to experience things as fully as I would have liked, as I got sick a little after we got there. No, I did not directly drink the water. Other people in the delegation also got sick. I
definitely got the worst of it (I'm still not 100% back). This could have happened partially because I ran into some rocks in the ocean and got some pretty bad scrapes and a cut on the bottom of my foot, which might have weakened my immune system a little bit. Whatever the case, I ended up staying in the Campo on Tuesday and missing out on part of the trip.

Pappaturo is an amazing village. The community there is so strong. Everyone that we interacted with was loving and caring, and also very understanding of those of us who didn't know much Spanish. Even being sick I felt like I was part of the community, as people came to check on me, and I learned later that members of the community had been asking other people in our delegation how I was doing. I really wish I had the
opportunity to spend more time with the people there, and at least try to talk with them, but even without that it was a powerful experience.

It was really saddening to me to hear that they only get a priest once or twice a year, except for funerals and weddings, and supposedly the priest charges an unnecessary amount for his services. On the one hand I'm amazed to see such a strong community, but I would wish that God was a bigger part. Given the community that they have already built, I think the depth that following Jesus can bring would be a sight to behold.

After our stay in Pappaturo we returned to San Salvador. The next days were packed as we visited the "ruins" of San Andreas, a Mayan site and learned a little about Mayan spirituality and how it is currently
manifesting itself. Afterwards we went to the UCA (Central American University) a Jesuit institution where the 6 Jesuit priests, and the housekeeper and her daughter were murdered. We heard from Dean Brackley, a Jesuit from America who went down to El Salvador to take the place of one of the murdered priests. He gave us a little bit of the intellectual context we need to return to America.

The evening was finished with a party at the San Francisco de Asis parish where we had a band ("Grupo Mayas"... the Andes sort of Pipe music often seen at local fairs etc.) and then watched some of the youth breakdance. It was a memorable event and I was struck by the simple beauty and joy that existed as our two groups came together and danced.

The next day, after we had packed up we heard the story of Carolina y Damián, our hosts, told by Damián. I hadn't realized how involved he was with the guerrilla movement and had been captured and tortured. It was shocking for me to say the least to realize that this quiet reserved man was so involved.

Next, we visited the memorial wall for those who have been killed. It is similiar to the Vietnam wall in our own country, and it is not yet completed, and there are many names which will not be remembered.

After some quick last minute shopping we were off to the airport, and parted ways with Mateo our wonderful guide.

In the days since, in between getting ready for school and recovering from being sick, I'm not sure if there is much for me to add. I know I will continue to think about El Salvador and figure out how I'm going to stay involved, whether that be in the simple fact of being more aware and sharing stories and learning about what continues to go on there, or perhaps something more active. I don't know. Already now I feel the weight of my life here settling in, my own comfort level returning and my desire to focus back on what I have left here.

It's somewhat difficult to realize how quickly the experience seems to be falling away. It was deeply moving, but so are other parts of my life here that I perhaps do not realize are such. I hope that at the very least I remain aware of how blessed I am.

Hasta Luego,

-Daniel James

El Salvador Group Letter #3

Hola a todos!

This is the final update from the Romero House Pilgrimage to El Salvador. Our past few days have been full of new faces and new experiences, lots of fun and lots of spiders, scorpions and bats! Since our last update, we left the capital city of San Salvador and headed north to a small village, Pappaturo, in the Department of Cuscatlan. This was our first experience of the campo--the rural area that makes up most of El Salvador.

For four days and three nights, we were able to see first hand how most of the world lives. Forty-five minutes down a winding, broken and rocky ´road´, Pappturo is a small village of about 400 people. The people there make their living mostly off the land, harvesting corn, beans, sugar cane and other fruits and vegetables. The village, only 16 years old, was founded by a group of refugees returning from many years of refuge in Mesa Grande, across the Honduran village. Few were from the area originally, and all had been drastically affected by the war. There was not a family in the group who had not lost one, if not several, members of their family.

For our stay there, nine families openned their modest homes to us, often humbling us by the immensity of their generosity. Some offered their own beds, and all provided large amounts of food for us. Despite a sometimes frustrating language barrier, we were still able to connect with and get to know the stories of the people that lived there.

For one day, we traveled to nearby Suchitoto, a beautiful old colonial town in the area. From there, we traveled by boat to Copapayo, the site of a two-day massacre. We heard testimonies by surviving members of the village of El Citio. Their stories of the terrible massacre, in which many women, children, and other non-combatants were mercilessly slaughtered was one of the most moving experiences of the trip.

The rest of our days in Pappaturo were spent among a variety of activities to help us get to know our new amigos. We painted another mural under Tony Ortega´s direction, we helped our families with their chores and farming, checked out the local swimming hole, and played soccer on what Brett called the most beautiful field he´s ever seen.

After our return to San Salvador, we spent today visiting the San Andres ruins--remnants of the ancient Mayan civilizations of El Salvador. In the afternoon, we went to the University of Central America, where we saw the museum and site of the Jesuit martyrs, and heard a talk from Fr. Dean Brackley.

Now we are off to a farewell celebration from our amigos we met earlier in the trip at San Francisco de Assis.

We can´t wait to tell you all more of the important details and continue to live on in solidarity with the people we have encountered.

La Paz!
Romero House El Salvador Delegation

El Salvador Group Letter #2

Greetings from El Salvador ¨"Hola". We finished the mural here in El Salvador on Saturday. Tony Ortega designed an image with a march of people carring banners of Monseñor Oscar Romero, Our Lady of Guadalupe and sayings against violence and injustice. Members of a youth organization and Regis students worked together, painting the mural over a two day period. We started by tracing the design and then working in layers with different methods of mark making. At the youth center we also learned about their programs of education and gang prevention. We also helped the Salvadoran youth with their mural.

Saturday afternoon we saw the extremes of poverty and wealth. We visited an upscale shopping mall and across the street we visited the neighborhood of Cuchilla, which is in danger of being removed by the city. Some of the people have had homes at Cuchilla for decades. This small community lacks fresh water, electricity and adequate sanitation. The people are fearful of losing their home and having no place to go. We met a law student who is working with this community to protect their legal rights.

Sunday we attended mass in Mejicanos, a neighborhood of San Salvador. Following the mass, we went to the beach with youth from the center. We played ultimate frisbee and body surfed. The waves in the ocean were huge and strong. After a good night´s rest, we are ready for a three day visit to the campo.

Saludos de El Salvador,

The Romero House delegation

My Journey in El Salvador Parte Tres

Hey Everyone,

I typed up a nice email explaining the day, but then my email decided to be a peice of crap so I lost it. Hopefully I can capture all of it (possibly shorter haha).

First, This will be my last email for a little while. We are going to the village of Pappaturas near Sugitoto (pardon the spellings, don´t have my iternerary in front of me). We will be spending the next three nights there so I will not be able to check email until I´m back. I may be able to call but I don´t know because the phone system is really weird with different phones only working with certain phone cards etc.

The community I mentioned in my last email was La Cuchilla.

Today was a fairly relaxing day. We went to Mass at the Parish San Francisco de Asis, where we painted the mural and have been hanging out with the youth their at their development center (where the mural itself is located). Afterwards we went to the beach with a few of the youth and had a great time there.

The bad part about the beach is that the one time I went into the water I got caught in the undertoe a bit and met with some rocks, leading to bad scrapes on both my knees and my feet, along with a deep cut on the sole of my left foot which will not be pleasant for walking the rest of the trip.

The good things is that I finished my second book and was able to rest quite well (until the rock incident).

The Mass was very good. The Priest´s homily was based off of the gospel reading about the Magi who came to visit Jesus awhile after he was born. He spoke about how the Magi followed a star to find Jesus, and spoke to us about how we need to find our star for the age, and how our star should be the poor and oppressed as that is who Jesus was and lived with.

He also spoke about how the Magi left by a different path because of the corruption of Herod. He explained how Herod is much like the current president of El Salvador and like Bush. And it struck me when he mentioned that Herod was a puppet for Rome, just like many leaders of Latin American and Middle Eastern countires are puppets for the U.S. (Saddam for instance, not to mention Bin Laden, although neither tolerated it forever... not that it excuses their actions).

I took communion at Mass. The Priest spoke about how Jesus did not come to create division, and if that means we need to remove structures and religion, so be it. Also, my concience was clear about it. It´s between me and God anyway, so I would appriciate not getting flack when I get back, but I would be glad to talk about it.

Finally, please keep praying for us. We need it. Pray for me, and the 15 other people, and all of those we have interacted with and will interact with.

El Salvador is a beautiful place and I really want to come back, perhaps even this summer? Please pray especially for me to discern how I fit in El Salvador in the coming days, whether it be with an organization like Project Salvador in Denver, or either a short or long term missionary here. (To my church friends... mission trip possibility?? I have contacts and I´m sure we could get more through the Vineyard).

Otherwise, I will talk to you all after I´m back on the 13th.

I love yah all, and if I missed anything I will include it later.

-Daniel

My journey in El Salvador Parte Dos

Buenas Noches Amigos!

Well, it´s my third day here in El Salvador now. It has been a very moving experience thus far.

We just returned from a small community, I don´t recall the name at the moment but I will include it later. It is situated in El Salvador´s ´last lung´ which is a forest that is slowly being taken over by developers. They are actually right next to a new Mega Mall in between two highways.

The community has existed for about 60 years, however they have been corralled in this small area because of the development. The municipalities have no desire to legalize their presence, instead they want to remove them in order to create an ecological preserve, to somewhat save face for the acres and acres of land they have destroyed.

Speaking of the Mall, I found it absolutely disgusting. It was worse than any mall that I have been in Colorado. The prices are exactly the same as in America, and we are talking about El Salvador. Today we compared the prices at a farmers market with the mall and the difference is crazy.

Unfortunately I have to go soon so this is going to be cut somewhat short. The point being, I was very moved by the community. It felt to me to be the first tierra santa... holy ground... that I have experienced here in Salvador. Beyond even the resting place of Oscar Romero etc. I´m not sure what I might be able to do in the future, but I feel connected to this community. To those of you in my Church, it would be my hope that perhaps we can do something to support them, at least by allowing me to distribute information about the community to everyone once I recieve some, if not financially, and of course in our prayers.

For now I need to go. Continue keeping me in your prayers, along with this community. I love you all and I am also trying to make space to pray for you also.

Hasta Luego

-Daniel

El Salvador Group Letter #1

Hello to all our friends and loved ones at home in the states!
Our Regis delegation is currently residing in San Salvador at the beautiful Casa Oasis. We arrived without any problems on the night of Jan. 3rd at around 9pm. Upon our arrival we were greeted by Matthew Eisen, our trusty group guide and Brother Agustin of the Maristas order who took our 13 bags of donated shoes and school supplies to the far off mountain village of Talnique. From the airport, we had a beautiful 45 minute drive into San Salvador and arrived at the casa. As you can imagine, we were all pretty tired so we got a good night´s rest to start off the trip. Thursday was a very eventful day: We started with a brief overview of El Salvador´s 500+ year history followed by an analysis of the current political and
economic situation here. This was presented to us by a gentleman from the non-profit organization Equipo Maiz named Carlos. The main event of the day was our pilgrimage to Divina Providencia, the cancer hospital/chapel where Archbishop Oscar Romero was asassinated. We recieved a wonderful talk from Sister Bernita, who gave us a bit of Romero´s history. After that, we swung by the national cathedral to see the memorial where he is buried. Later in the afternoon, we took a drive outside of San Salvador and up into the surrounding hills to La Perta del Diablo, which is a beautiful mountian hike which ends with amazing scenery from surrounding volcanoes all the way to the ocean in the south! Again, very exhausted, the group returned to the casa for another night´s rest. We woke up this morning and headed out for a very very emotional day. First we met with the co-madres, or the mothers of the disappeared, who gave us their testimonies from the civil war. They are a group that is committed to finding the disappeared or murdered victims of the violence which just ended in the early 90´s. We heard personal stories of torture and murder from this country´s recent history. Following this powerful presentation, we met with a group of marginalized youth from the parish San Fransisco de Asis where we began and almost completed our first community mural project under the master artist Tony Ortega. At the parish, we heard about gang violence in the country and the problems that Salvadoran youth face today. That´s pretty much the highlights for now. The food is delicious, the people are friendly and welcoming and the stories are breathtaking.

Much Love,

Your brothers and sisters in solidarity

ps. please forward this on to other friends/family who would like to know about our adventures. we will keep you updated as the days continue.

My Journey to El Salvador Parte Uno

Hi Everyone!

This is going to be a short email since I´m about to go to lunch.

First, I´m in El Salvador for those of you who don´t know. I didn´t expect to have internet access but I do. I will be here until the 13th. This is my first day. I just got an overview of El Salvadoran history and now we are going to be out and about.

If you want a post card, I don´t have addresses with me, so send me yours.

Also, feel free to pass this on to anyone who might be interested. I wasn´t sure, particularly with my church friends (wasn´t sure about my pastor for example?) since this was a quick runover.

I will write more when I get a chance.

I love you all.

I should also be getting a phone card eventually so some of yous will be getting a call

(which reminds me, I forgot my phone so I also don´t have many numbers, so if you want to send me yours I can give yah a call!!)

Gotta go for now.

Daniel

P.S. Pray for me, it´s going to be intense...

[Insert Ambiguous All-Inclusive Title Here]

Being that I haven't written in a little while, I'm hoping I can cover a few subjects at once. That, and despite the late hour I'm not tired enough to go to bed and I think some good writing will help me get to sleep.

First, SOA. Since we got back right before Thanksgiving, I didn't get much of a chance to process because I got thrown into the mix of everything else going on. Now that I've had a little while to process, along with having a gathering last night (that is, Wed night) with a bunch of us to share pictures and brainstorm where we go from here.

So the experience is currently in my mind so I'm going to get out some of my thoughts now.

It was a very interesting experience. As I said before in my posts leading up to the SOA, it's not your stereotypical picketing with signs kind of protest.

It began with the "Ignatian Family Teach-In" which is more or less a social justice conference and a gathering point for Jesuit Universities, High Schools, Parishes, Jesuit Volunteer Corp and a handful of other Catholic groups. It was a good experience, especially hearing from some of the students of different universities. Unfortunately I was tired Friday evening and Saturday morning so I was in-and-out during a large percentage of the talks, which is unfortunate because there were some very good speakers.

After that, we were able to hang out at the "Rally" which I equate to a fair or festival. There is a stage up near the gate to Fort Benning, with speakers and music, along with vendors up and down the street (quite an eclectic mix for sure, anything from socialist anarchists and the green party to Grandmothers for Peace to conspiracy theorists, and student and religious groups) which was fun to explore. I got some good bumper stickers :)

Saturday evening concluded with a Mass, which was interesting, especially with the huge number of universities high schools and other groups represented, but there was still that lingering disconnection I experience being a non-catholic in a deeply catholic world. But I'm glad I stayed instead of joining the other members of our group who didn't join the Mass. Kinda. What Would Jesus Do anyway? Haha.

We gathered after the Mass and have a group meeting, discussing what thoughts we might have as we moved into the heart of why we were there the next day. It was a very moving experience, hearing the stories and the pain of some of our delegation. What was most moving to me, enough to cause me to catch my breath even as I write it was the pain of one of our leaders, as he expressed the heaviness and pain that he feels in his heart, knowing that he is in some ways responsible for destroying some of our innocence about the world, even though he knows it is necessary. This is where I don't know if I can describe my experience. For how can I put into words the breaking of my heart?

Sunday was what you would call the protest. They (or is it we? not sure) call it the "Solemn Funeral Procession" where we assemble in front of the gate and process towards it, calling out after the name of someone killed by one of the Graduates of the SOA/WINSEC "Presente!" which means "present" hearkening to the (predominantly) Catholic belief of the Communion of the Saints and thus their presence and prayers going with us, (although, I think it also fits well with the thought that we present them to the school) and upon reaching the gate place whatever crosses or banners we have carried, onto the fence, creating a beautiful memorial. It is also at this point that some people choose to use civil disobedience and cross onto the base, promptly being arrested. 16 crossed this year.

The rest of our time was spent wandering around the grounds, thinking, talking, processing through what we just went through. On my part I got to do a little shopping and spend some time with some other people from Colorado whom I knew (including the awesome guy that was my coordinator of the Romero House over the summer, and one of the other awesome guys that I got to work with at the St. Francis Center).

Where I find myself in response to this crossroad in my life is perhaps not as much an increased passion to close the SOA/WINSEC, but an overall call to be aware, from anything to fair trade goods, sweatshops, political and social issues, non-violence... Social Justice in all it's forms. I don't think I can say that I feel God directing me to a life wholly devoted to Social Justice as many people I know are, but I know it is something I cannot ignore. Something I cannot forget about and sweep under the carpet.

The world is broken. Enough so that if I dwell on it, it could crush me. I know even more why I, and the world, need Jesus. I support social and political change, education, protests, controversy and whatever else you could think of. But I don't believe that any of that without Jesus has any chance to succeed.

This leads to the next big thing in my life.

With the SOA, I didn't have much of a chance to think about this, but in a little over a month, I will be in El Salvador. A Pilgrimage. A chance to see right in front of me some of the issues which I protested down in Georgia.

I'm not sure if I'm ready.

In some ways I wish I was going with at least someone else from my church. In our group, there is a Lutheran Professor, and the rest are mainly Catholic, or at least raised Catholic and currently questioning, and then there is me. This presents the same kind of challenge that I experienced with the SOA. Not only are not everyone going of a theological bent closer to me, many are not as spiritual, at least in the Jesus sense, which means that in a fundamental way, there is a necessary lack of depth as we don't want to exclude anyone.

And even with the people who I know who are followers of Jesus, God bless them, are not necessarily those who I feel like I could pour my heart out too. Maybe two of them. But I don't know. Even then, I don't think they would pray for me. At least not in the way my church does it. I know that God will probably use me, and that hopefully I can reach out some. But I wonder who will reach out to me?

With the SOA and now this, it seems like I'm going into it alone. To put it very generally, I'm more Catholic than most of my Evangelical friends, but more Evangelical than my Catholic friends, and I feel caught in the middle, where I know for the most part who I am and where I am with God, but when I look around me I only see a few people that are where I am at. And none of them are coming to El Salvador with me.

Sure, God is with me. But it's not supposed to be just me and God. It's a community. And I seem to be stuck between two worlds. My Church and my School. I wonder if I'm going to be able to handle this.

It's going to be hard enough going to a country that speaks Spanish while I only gained un poco from 4 years of studying it (I experienced that in Spain) but one that has experienced so much pain and hardship and is still living it now.

I know we are going to go to a Mass down there and God Dammit I don't want to be cut off from communion. Not there. Damned Church Politics and Theology. What happened to the Body of Christ? How can I be in communion with the wonderful people I'm going with and with the country so broken, when I can't share it with them?

How long must my heart cry out? How can we hope to heal the broken world if we cannot even heal the brokenness between all those who follow Jesus. Come Holy Spirit and wash us pure, make us whole... "As we cry out to You, oh Lord make us one / Let the whole earth see through us what You’ve done / May our hands find reach for what our words can’t preach / Oh Lord make us one"

By the way. Every 11 seconds, someone dies from AIDS. Remember in your prayers those 25 Million who have died, the 40 Million currently infected, and the countless children, spouses, families and friends affected by this disease.