Friday, August 25, 2006

My Goals for the Semester

Goals for Fall 2006

Fitness: Bike more than the >5 minutes it takes to get to school, and the 15 minutes it will take me to get to small group and church. The recommended amount is 7 hours a week. It's my goal to reach at least 3 ½ hours a week. This also includes trying to do some basic exercises such as crunches and push ups to help with the areas that biking doesn't directly impact.

Nutrition: It is also my goal to continue eating better by buying plenty of fruits and vegetables to balance out the stuff like brats and mac and cheese that I enjoy eating. I also want to continue to make an effort to cook instead of eating out. This could be enhanced by learning some recipes that I could prepare in advance and would only take a little while to cook.

Academics: Begin work on all my papers at least a week in advance, and make reading materials etc. a priority over my computer.

Computer: Limit the time I spend on my computer for games, IMing, Blogging,MySpace, Movies, etc. (also including console games) to 2 hours a day. I plan on printing out a calendar and posting it near my computer and logging my hours.

Spiritually: Continue going to a small group, because I know I need the support of other people. I also desire to find 3 guys who I can consider mentors to help hold me accountable to these goals. I plan on spending at least 30 minutes a day with God, whether it be reading scripture, a “spiritual” book, praying, meditating, lectio divina, etc. Ideally, I would like to spend some time in the morning and also at night. I also want to try to have at least one “spiritual” discussion with my friends each month.

Cleanliness: I intend to get a bookcase in order to organize all of my book, in order to maximize my space. I also will continue to sort my papers, recycling as much as possible.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Why settle?

First off, I admit the main reason I'm writing this is because someone I know blogged about it. I think it's a good idea for myself. It's been easy for my brain and/or heart and/or various organs to become attracted to a girl, even though they are in one way or another someone I shouldn't simply settle for.

I wouldn't say that there is one particular girl out there who is my soul mate. Regardless, there are people who would fit better into how God has made me. I will always submit to the fact that God might not have me marry, but I don't think the single life is something God has gifted me with. Whatever the case, I know there are certain things that God would want for me in a relationship.

Without further qualification, here are the things that I perceive to be qualities I shouldn't settle on and/or those that I know would help me greatly:

Someone that...

Has a desire to love God more than me, and helps to push me to that.

Says that they love me, appreciate me, and will otherwise encourage me, because I know I need it.

Will hug me and cuddle with me and wrestle with me and just be with me

Will (gently) tell me when I need to do something, or should do something better

Has a good network of friends and is comfortable with mine

Helps me with my indecisiveness

Lets me be alone sometimes, but also knows when I'm doing it to much

Accepts me as I am, and helps me believe that the ways I have messed up are not who I am now, and through the Blood of Jesus I am pure

Isn't afraid to tell me no, and isn't afraid to hear it

Wants to pray with me, and read the Bible with me, and read books with me

Wants to get outside and camp and hike and bike with me

Believes in living simply

Listens to God

Has a heart for seeing people of God united

Wants to cook with me

Reminds me how much God loves me

Helps me to remember God in the good times and the bad times, because its always about God

Accepts that I'm not much of a morning person

Laughs with me, cries with me, sings with me and is silent with me

Likes that I don't watch TV, and will make sure I'm spending less time on the computer

Accepts that I'm not the most organized person, but doesn't let me stay too disorganized

Stops when I tell them something hurts me

Pushes me Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually, Socially, etc...

Wants to discuss controversial things, and can agree to disagree with me

Accepts that I believe Chivalry isn't dead, and reminds me when I act like it is

Lord, I need your patience. Without being focused on you, it's too easy to settle for less, when what you would have for me is so much greater. I pray especially that some of these things that I know I need help with are things that won't be an issue by the time you bring someone into my life, that there are less of my burdens for them to help carry. I don't want to ever stop seeking to become the person you have designed me to be. And that if you do call me to marriage, that I can be the best example of you that I can be to her, and to whatever children I might have. I pray that I can pour on them the love that you have given me, and I pray that I can realize that love here and now. I pray also that my mind will not be consumed with waiting, but as I release these things to you, that I can look to you, for you alone are worth it, no matter what this life might bring.

Thank you.

Lost in a Sea of Faces

Have you ever found yourself alone amongst people you know love you?

I found myself there yesterday. Actually, I've kinda felt it for the last few days. More on that later. Yesterday was a thing to itself.

Yesterday was the All Staff Retreat for University Ministry. I got to hang out with almost all of the staff and students that make up UM and talk about our mission and try to identify some goals for the year. We had some great reflections on the scripture in Luke where Jesus calls Simon Peter, James and John to be “fishers of men (people if we wish to be PC).” Good food, good fellowship. Despite the fact that one of my best friends from campus joined the staff and was there with me, I felt very lonely.

The point where I broke down was at the Mass we had at the end of the day (I do go to a Catholic University after all...). Lately, I've been having a difficult time most times I go to Mass. Today was particularly hard.

I'm not sure what communion means to most people. For me, one of the most powerful meanings (although, I believe there are many) for me is the sense of community. Jesus commanded us to gather together and break bread together. In this, we share in his death and resurrection, but also draw together as a community, whether that be a church, or a ministry group like UM. Not only that, but we are proclaiming our faith and sharing a connection with the greater church.

So, at points like this, where I'm surrounded by people I love, and I cannot share this deep connection with them, my heart breaks. The three most prominent examples of this happen to me are the two weddings that my ex-roomates had earlier in the year, and today. The wedding is one of the greatest earthly representations of the bond we have with God, and one of our greatest expressions of love, and once again I could only participate with them up to a point. Sure, I can say the 'Our Father' and exchange a sign of peace with those I love, but it's not the same as communing with them.

Fortunately, my friend was at my side and was able to be there with me as I wept, and another of my friends came later to comfort me. Yet I still felt so utterly alone.

My mind is still trying to wrap around this. Scripture says that God will never give us more than we can bare... but God also commands us to bear one another's burdens. This is why I am so grateful for my friends.

God has given me a heart that breaks when there is no unity. Whether this is a broken relationship, or the rift between the Catholic church and the rest of Christianity. Communion is supposed to be our sign of unity, so it doesn't surprise me to have my heart break like this. But it leaves me wondering what else I can do besides pray.

I understand the doctrine of the Eucharist, and even if I had the opportunity to take it, I'm not sure I could with good conscience, considering my beliefs are so different. Of course, that means that one, or all of us are wrong on how we see communion. I understand that full unity will not come until later, when Jesus returns and sets all of his followers straight, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't call me to seek unity now. I don't think avoiding going to Mass for the rest of my life would do anything (plus, that wouldn't go well with working for University Ministry).

God has broken my heart. I expect him to give me a better one now.

“...Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will Be Done, On Earth As It Is In Heaven...”

Saturday, August 12, 2006

The end of a Journey...

So today (or technically yesterday) was my last official day at the St Francis Center.

I have to say, I'm a bit sad about it. It hit me about 4:00 or so as I was folding towels that it was my last day.

Now, I am going to make an effort to make it there at least once a month, if not more if my schedule will allow. School comes first though.

I'm glad for the opportunity to have a nice break before school starts. Working at the SFC has taken its toll in many ways. First, it meant really early days, and I'm by nature a night owl. But more than that, I have experienced a lot of mental, emotional and spiritual stress. Working with this kind of population is difficult in many ways. Some people are simply jerks and that makes things hard, while others break your heart because of the circumstances they find themselves in.

So I need to rest and get ready for the year, however, despite how difficult SFC could be at some points, there is much that I'm going to miss. I'm really going to miss the people. This includes the staff, volunteers and some of the guests. There is such a strong sense of community among both the workers and among the guests. I have to say I'm even going to miss the ones that got on my nerves, life isn't going to be the same without them.

The staff at SFC has such a strong spiritual grounding which has really pushed me and helped me to grow over the summer. This king of environment is something that I want in whatever kind of "work" I find myself in.

It's not going to be the same, that's for sure... but that isn't so bad really. I believe it is healthy for me to mourn this loss. Although, that includes moving on with my life. There might be even greater opportunities that I might miss in the future that I would have missed out on had I stayed with SFC in some fashion.

That doesn't mean it isn't going to be hard. I'm really looking forward to my classes and my work study job at the University Ministries, but I can already feel that one part is going to be missing. But that's natural isn't it? You give your heart to something and some of it stays there. I can imagine that it will be the same once my time at Regis is over, and whatever other events that will come into my life.

I suppose as a slight benefit, it has moved me to submit more of myself to God... to be thankful for the times I had and what I learned, and trust that what God will take me to in the future will be even better (of course, I can't always discern when something is going to be ultimately better for me).

So now I get to take the next step forward and see where my foot lands.

God Bless the St. Francis Center...

-Daniel