Can Words Express?

So how do I write a blog when I'm not sure if I can express even a fraction of what's on my mind? Well, I suppose I'm going to try. That's what I get for reading from 5 different books or so today.

I can feel the tug of God on my heart. I'm not sure exactly what direction it is in, or what it means, but it's there nonetheless. I know all my experiences, the churches I've been part of, the schools I went to, the communities I've participated in, all of it is leading me somewhere. I know what that is God has yet to reveal (other than where I find myself now). I have hints, vague images of what that place might look like, but I know that something new could enter my life and shift that direction just as many things have over the last few years.

It's so hard to express any of this. I barely know what direction I'm heading, so how do I express that to my friends, to my family, to my girlfriend? How many of the people in my life right now are people who might come along side me on this journey, and how many might I end up parting ways with as we go forward?

My life seems to be such a mesh of everything. There are many things that are important to me in some way or another, but nothing seems to define me more than others. This is not to say that I wish to be defined by a solitary issue, but I'm trying to find my own context. I AM ____?

Of course, I do find myself in a post-modern world, which rejects the rigid definitions of the past. A movement which seeks to take the good in all things. So it's no surprise really that I feel somewhat without grounding. But, isn't the point that Jesus should be my grounding point, not anything else around me. I think perhaps if I turn my focus more on Him, I will feel less lost. I would rather it be this way than be convinced that some movement or issue was the sole focus of my life, and be broken when that fails me.

But, it still leaves me with the question of how do I share any of this with those I share this journey with?

I suppose all people have a longing to be understood, and that ultimately nobody can be known completely except by God. So I know if focus too much on being understood, I will fail.

I guess the main thing seems to be that I feel the draw of opening myself up to wherever God will take me. And that can be a very unsettling thing, because the story of God is filled with many people being called to the ends of the earth and otherwise to places they never would have expected. And that can mean leaving everything behind.

I don't feel like God is going to call me to go serve in Africa or Latin America or Asia, it just doesn't resonate with who I feel God has made me. But who knows what might happen.

What I do feel the call of is community, in a way that isn't how it has formed in our culture. I long for living with people in a community, real connections not just geographical boundaries. I think about the 'hippie communes,' and Hebrew Kibbutz's, the Amish, monasteries and abbeys and other forms of intentional communites, but it seems like so often those groups have isolated themselves from the world, whatever their reasons.

I was part of a year long volunteer community, along with a shorter version in college. And I spent another year with four other men from my college as we tried to live intentionally with each other. But all of that was short term, and in some ways sheltered. They were all important in my life, but they have all faded away. It seems like there is a need for intentional communities to grow in more urban environments. Our culture has crippled us with our individualism.

So what would that look like? Perhaps it would be an apartment building, or maybe a group of houses on the same block. Maybe there would be space for a garden, but maybe not.

My girlfriend took the beginning steps of becoming a nun, but that is not where God has called her. I know she still longs for the kind of life set forth by the Rule of St. Benedict, even if she cannot live her life in a way as focused as that of the Abbey she was at. I know there are many people who try to live out those precepts as much as possible as they can (Oblates, Consecrated Virgins/Singles) but what's keeping a group of people coming together and living that out the best they can, even if they spend their day taking care of their children or serving coffee or selling real estate? There is a draw in me towards a monastic sort of life, but there is also an equally strong pull towards marriage. Why is it that they have to be separate?

I know there are other people who have felt that longing. There is a long history of Catholic Worker Houses where people have spent their lives living with the poor. In a sense, even those who live at Christian camps are a part of this style of life. But what is my place in this I wonder.

It scares the crap out of me that God might call me to be part of creating something new. I would much rather be part of the background, still active and participating, but to be a pioneer of sorts? Even if it is something I care about greatly it seems beyond my abilities. But, maybe that's the point isn't it. It never really was about me anyway. What better way to keep me humble than to have me do something that I know I couldn't have done on my own...

Goodnight.

ARGH (or: Because there are too many causes)

Welcome to Lent everybody.

So, I just got back from a viewing of a documentary called Very Young Girls, which documents the sex trafficking of underage girls in New York and the work of an organization called GEMS to get them out of "the life." This was followed by an introduction to a few organizations here in Colorado working on the issue of human trafficking and a short talk by Professor Claude d’Estrée of D.U. who has been working in the field of human trafficking for around 10 years.

This feeds in well to the idea of Lent in general. One of the two Ash Wednesday services that I went to yesterday focused on the environment, and how that we are come from the earth (as a note, the word we translate commonly into dust is more like topsoil than the stuff gathering on my computer monitor) and will return to the earth. It was a reminder that the first thing that God asked us to do, was to care for his creation, to be co-creators, and when we fell, so did the earth. Of course, I feel like the emphasis on our own personal sin and brokenness is an important question for this season, but it also should expand to our corporate experience.

This also feeds into something that's been running through my head for the past few days and is coming to life now in this here blog.

There is a lot of the world that is really screwed up, perhaps overwhelmingly much.

I mean, I spent a year in a volunteer program in downtown Denver. I worked in an organization giving out food to people who couldn't afford it, while my roommates worked in underfunded schools, homeless shelters and other organizations, while I continued to learn about issues in my city and around the world. But we only scratched the surface.

There is homelessness, poverty, education, the sex trade, genocide, drugs, human trafficking, hunger, the environment, wars, economics, exploitation... and the list goes ever on. And each issue has smaller components, each interlocking with others.

It's so easy to get locked into one issue or another... so, we don't support Wal-Mart, but is Target or K-Mart really that much better? We want to support organic food, but are the workers being compensated fairly for harvesting it? None of us really wants to mow our lawns or clean our bathrooms or do our laundry, so we hire it out. Are the people being compensated fairly? Are they actually getting paid in the first place? What about the products they use to clean, are those environmentally friendly? It can get maddening!

Sure, you can progress in one direction, while ignoring other issues at the same time. For another example, I enjoy shopping at REI, because they have a good environmental conscience for a large corporation (and I like getting a dividend back of what I spend there). But, I don't know under what conditions their environmentally friendly clothing is being manufactured under. And there is the question of whether it would be better to support a local store like Wilderness Exchange, because REI is still a megacorp at the end of the day. Are their workers being given a living wage? What are their benefits like? Do they have fair hiring practices? How much does their CEO make? You can see how this can keep going.

I guess I wonder to myself what exactly the line is. I mean, take Apple for another example, they are doing a large part in making their products more environmentally friendly, but Greenpeace still complains about them not having done enough?

Is it right to support an organization because it is doing one area well, even if they aren't as good as another? Do we ultimately just fall into this endless game of figuring out the lesser of two evils?

Sometimes our good motives and our plans end up doing more to hurt our cause. The speaker relayed a story about the boycott of chocolate once it was discovered that many of the plantations were using slave labor. All that the boycott did was force the plantations to use even more slave labor to make up for the loss. What did that accomplish? Fortunately that isn't the end of the story as we have the fair trade movement and other such things, but again, that's not my point.

Obviously, just ignoring it all isn't the solution, because that's what too many of us end up doing and so things just continue on their course un-protested.

I get tired of trying to convince my friends not to go shop at wal-mart when I know they are poor, and buying one item that actually supports the person who produced it means giving up the 9 other things they could have bought more cheaply. Sure, it does come down to making choices about our lifestyle and making sacrifices so others can have a decent life. And don't even get me started on the 'chic' movement. I'm sorry, but a $1000 purse made out of recycled materials is still complete bullshit.

I'm going to cut myself off here, because I'm really not sure what else I can say. I'm trying to be involved and be knowledgeable, and that's more than many people I know seem to be doing, but what little I do seems so small compared to everything else going on around me. I know I have to be confident that the small things I try to do are making an impact, and that as more and more people do something, even if it seems insignificant, that the Kingdom of God will advance... but it's still hard!

Now, if you made it this far, I would definitely love to hear what you have to say.

A Tale of Two Communities

After our recent trip to the US/Mexico border my housemates and I were asked to write a short story which we shared this last Monday, so I figured I would post it here so people can get a little picture of what my trip was like until I make the time to write something more. So, enjoy :)

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As I look back to my trip to the border separating the United States of America and Mexico in the area around El Paso, Texas and Cuidad Juarez, Chihuahua from February of 2008, I immediately look past and also remember my trip to El Salvador in January of 2007. There are many similarities that tie the two experiences together, including the similar U.S. Policies that have impacted the economy of both areas, the influx of American culture, the simple yet delicious food, the language, along with the hospitality and community. But none of those various factors are what touch me whenever I bring to mind either of the two experiences. Instead, it is always the people, both those I met and those whose stories I heard. Heroes. Victims. Villains. Innocents. From the Zaragoza Fuentes family who is allowing their greed to overwrite the needs of poor workers, to the Archibishop Romero who dared to speak no matter the cost, to those working for Human Rights throughout all of the America’s, that is what brings meaning to these trips.
There are two particular stories that parallel each other, so much so that it is frightening to me because I know it must have happened and will happen in other times and places. It is the stories of two communities, La Cuchilla, located in San Salvador and Lomas del Poleo, located near Cuidad Juarez. Both communities are at risk of disappearing because powerful development groups want their land. They are both crying out for Justice, but few people even know of their plight, or even know that they exist in the first place.
Both communities exist because of a policy which seems to exist throughout Latin America, where if a person lives and makes a livelihood on unoccupied land for a number of years, they are granted title to the land. Both of these communities have existed for thirty years or longer, and were able to survive for so long mainly because their land held no value to anyone else. But now over the past few years these two places are threatened because the land has now become valuable, and because of their poverty these communities are seen as eyesores and problems, instead of the dwelling places for fellow brothers and sisters.
In the case of La Cuchilla, the land around them was developed as a Mega Mall, as large and as grand as any here in the states, and the community was squeezed together until it occupies only a small triangle of land between three highways. Because it is surrounded by brush, it is difficult to see the community unless you know what you are looking for, but even so the land developers want them gone. And in their place will be a beautiful nature preserve to show that the builders of the Mall are environmentally conscious. I guess they forgot that the environment includes people too.
Lomas del Poleo has likewise become a place of interest because of their location. As El Paso and Juarez grow, the Official border crossings are becoming more congested, so it is likely that a new location will be opened in the near future. Lomas del Poleo just happens to be near a likely spot for a new crossing, and because of a clerical error years ago the people do not have the official land titles that they need to prove that their existence is legal. Instead of being surrounded by highways, Lomas del Poleo is fenced in with barbed wire, with a guard shack filled with armed hired hands who prevent entry to all people besides the current residents of the community.
Both stories are filled with heartbreaks, with people slowly losing faith or buying into the whispers of the developers and turning against the rest of their community. Others have died, whether it is from the dangers of crossing a busy street, or from the beatings brought about by hired thugs. Yet, there is still hope, still strength. The trials have pulled the members of the communities together, organized them, and caused them to seek help and to call out for those of us in America to heed their cries. These are the places that seemed to me to be Holy Ground during my visit, even beyond the chapels and monuments I got a chance to visit.
I am one of the many who has heard their stories and been touched by their experiences, but yet I wonder what can I do? It is hard enough to impact the policies where I live, and here are those separated from me by borders and governments. At times, I feel as little as they do. But I hope that in time, as more learn and come together that the tiny droplets of each of our voices becomes a rushing stream, and that Justice will roll down.
For now, all I can do is cling to Love, and to believe in the truth I find in scripture that proclaims that “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Cor 13:7).

"We are prophets of a future not our own"

This is a prayer often called the Oscar Romero Prayer, although it was written by Bishop Ken Untener. Anyway, read it then read my rambling to follow :)

It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view.
The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is even beyond our vision.
We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise that is God’s work. Nothing we do is complete, which is a way of saying that the Kingdom always lies beyond us.
No statement says all that could be said.
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confession brings perfection.
No pastoral visit brings wholeness.
No program accomplishes the Church’s mission.
No set of goals and objectives includes everything.
This is what we are about.
We plant the seeds that one day will grow.
We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise.
We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities.
We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.
This enables us to do something, and to do it very well.
It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to enter and do the rest.
We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker.
We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own.

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I find myself at a crossroads. I will be graduating in less than five days, and my time at Regis draws to a close (at least for now, who knows what the future may bring). It is very bittersweet. I'm glad to leave, yet this has been a beautiful life-forming place over the last four years, and I feel like there is so much more I could learn by remaining hear... yet I know the opportunites to grow continue on.

For those of you who don't know I am going to be moving on into the Colorado Vincentian Volunteers starting in August 4th, where I will be working at the Metro Care Ring for the next year. I will be living with about 12 other people in an intentional community, who will all be working at other sites around the city. I know this experience is going to grow me as much as my four years at Regis.

I just came out of the final reflections for the current Romero House students as they wrap up their year along with me. It moved me deeply, partly because of my own connection to that house, and to some of the non-profits they worked at, along with our shared trip to El Salvador. But not only that, it reminded me of what exactly I'm aiming for in my life. One of my friends just recently told me how she is inspired by how I want to change the world.

That's what it's really about. This is why I know I want to work with college-age people. I've grown so much, challenged so much of what I grew up knowing, and continue to meet God in whole new ways. I haven't found many answers, but I am learning to ask better questions.

I've never really liked "Imagine" by John Lennon, I just couldn't get past the "Imagine there's no Heaven / It's easy if you try" part because that is so integral to who I am, the future fullness of the Kingdom of God. But maybe it really isn't how we expect it will be anyway. I still believe that Hell exists too, but I really hope nobody is there. I'm still by no means a fan of the song, but perhaps I should give it another chance or two.

I'm just little old me, screwed up and broken as I am, but that doesn't mean God doesn't use me. That doesn't mean change will not come through me. Even if that means my end, there is something greater. I'm not stupid enough to call suffering upon myself, but if it comes because of my faith and because of my ideals, so be it. I know I'm not alone so this is where I need to step out. I need to be a prophet of that future that is not my own.

*Shhhh* I'm going to talk about homosexuality...

So I've been thinking about homosexuality for awhile, especially since it's come up a lot recently at Regis in not so pleasant a light.

First off, before I get into any of my philosophical babbling, THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR DISCRIMINATION, HATE, OR EXCLUSION FOR ANYONE WHO IS HOMOSEXUAL.

That being said, here are my thoughts.

I'm going to start with laying out my understanding, and going on with the explanation from there. I believe that Homosexuality is not natural, I don't believe it is how God intended anyone to believe. However, our world having fallen from the Ideal that God created us to be, it's a reality.

Many people argue for the biological reasons that are coming up, etc., etc. My response to that is that there are many biological leanings that humans have towards things that are wrong. Take somebody who has a biological tendency to become addicted to alcohol. If they do not ever touch alcohol it isn't a problem, but as soon as they do, it starts affecting them.

Now, in saying this I don't believe that all people who are homosexual 'chose' to become homosexual, instead I feel it is a complex process having to do with biological makeup and psychological effects from childhood. I don't accept that people are simply born homosexual. As well, I think that it is possible for someone to ultimately convince their body that they are homosexual, but I don't think that is how it happens for most people. How many people want to consciously enter a lifestyle that is looked down upon by society?

Given that this happens, and that there are plenty of people who are born into situations where they have no control (like the thousands of babies born with HIV, or addicted to crack or alcohol) I don't think it is our place to judge them for being true to what they are. First off, it isn't our place to judge in the first place, and secondly, God loves us just as much knowing how we are screwed up so what can we really say anyway.

Because of this, I'm not opposed to civil marriage between homosexual persons. I can't personally accept a religious acceptance, although there are plenty of Christians who do, but regardless I don't think that homosexuals should be denied the ability to have stable structures and have the same benefits that straight people do, especially since Christians don't really complain about non-Christians that are straight getting married.

As long as we keep up this judgment and condemnation of homosexual people, there is always going to be a break between them and the church. It's funny that scripture talks much more about the poor and the orphans and the widows and about non-violence, yet we focus on homosexuality which only has a few ambiguous verses and logical arguments to back it up. I believe that God can heal people and change their psychological makeup, but I also know that we are not in the full Kingdom of God and because of that not all will be healed and changed, so if somebody enters a church wanting to change, then I think we should pray all we can for that, but if somebody does not want that, yes we should still pray, but at that point it is more between them and God.

Point being, we need to see their dignity as human beings, and as children of God who are screwed up equally as much as us for thousands of different reasons in addition to happening to be homosexual, and are thus on the same playing field as us and needing love just as much. And if all they find is condemnation from us, how are they going to find the love of God.

I'm sure there is more to say but that's all I have for now... Give me your thoughts! I know this gets talked about often enough, but I think it's one that needs to continually be thought of.

Peace

Something I don't get...

Why do some Christians complain so much about how Christmas and Easter were Pagan holidays, not to mention all the other practices and whatnot that Christianity has taken into itself?

Isn't the whole idea of Jesus transformation?

Take my little old self. Screwed up with the fall, just like the rest of the world, and then I recieve God's Grace no quesitons asked and I become a new creation, and I start becoming what God wanted me to be from the start.

So, isn't the world no less in need of transformation? Specific to Christmas and Easter and their relationship to Pagan seasonal holidays and the cycles of nature and all that, what exactly wrong with that? God made the earth, and so is there something wrong about recogizing that?

I think that people, especially Americans are already disconnected to nature enough. It seems to make sense to me that there can be a Christian understanding of nature and celebration of equinoxi and whatnot. I think it's quite sad in fact that many people feel they need to resort to Paganism, Druidism, or 'Native' religions in order to be connected to nature. Can't we have room for God's creation and celebrate it while still recognizing the source?

Which reminds me of another thing. Awhile back I listed damaging nature as a sin, and a few of my friends questioned me on that. After reflecting on that and considering it, I'm still going to argue that it is. I agree it's a broad thing, and it does need qualification.

One of my friends said that if what I'm claiming is true, every time she steps into her car and drives somewhere she is sinning. In a very broad way I believe that yes, it is. Call me a tree hugger or whatever, but I think that while God has given us our intellect and ability to create industry and whatnot, and through that we have done great things. But, despite that I think it's not how things are supposed to be.

Once we experience the fullness of the Kingdom of God I somehow doubt we are all going to be running around in cars and have massive factories and whatnot. There are sins of a personal nature, familiar nature and also socital nature, and I think that everything that goes into the creation of products, transportation and disposal is a great socital sin. Now, I don't believe we should go around beating ourselves up every time we get into a car, but to just dismiss it outright is no different to me than completely ignoring wars that are going on around the world, or the way that the poor are treated in our country, or even turning away when we see something wrong.

Discuss :)

Ponderings on Environmentalism and Women in the Church

I continue to be confused by why people (particularly of the environmentalist persuasion) always get so angry with the Christian worldview. I would say I have a very environmental outlook on life, but I still hold onto an anthropocentric view, because I see it as the only way we can live.

No matter how you cut it, humanity is different from the rest of the Universe, we have language, rationality, compassion and oodles of other things that say my house cat doesn't have, let alone the trees.

Given that position, I think it's completely asinine to expect us to be equal with nature.

Scripture says that we are to have dominion over the earth. I don't see this as a negative thing, in fact I see it as quite a demand that is completely against those who argue that since we have this dominion and control over nature we can do whatever we want.

That is completely not the point! God is the creater and ruler of the universe, and we have been given authority to rule over the earth... That means we should be taking pretty darn good care of it. Think of the parable of the talents, where two of the servants used their money and multiplied it, while another hid it because he was afraid, and got reprimanded. We didn't have a servant that was given money and screwed up with it, but I'm quite sure he would have been punished quite severely.

As much as I can admire the call to greater union with nature, to be holistic, I can't see our lives working like that. I completely believe we need to work towards greater sustainable industry and not the distructive profit focused industry we currently have, but I reject the idea that advancement is totally evil, yes some horrible things have come out of it, and some things should never have been discovered (like, oh the atomic bomb) but other advancements have been more than beneficial to live as a whole.

I think our main problem is that we have such bad examples of rulers who completely abuse their subjects that we cannot see God as being a good ruler, and because so many humans cannot deal with the earth in a beneficial way that we cannot see ourselves as being "good stewards" even though I believe it is entirely possible.

On another note, I'm reading an article on the role of women in the church... check it out if you have time: http://www.kingdomrain.net/content/view/64/33/1/0/

One quote that struck me as quite thought provoking is this: Man is created first, not for governance or priority in function, but to establish his loneliness.

That certainly flips some ideas doesn't it? Reconciling the creation of man first (whether you take it as symbolic or literal) with the equality of men and women has been one that I have struggled through before and I think that statement was exactly what I needed.

The idea of man coming first has nothing to do with the authoritarian patriarchical ideas that we've held onto for the last few millenia but instead it has to do with our dependance, first to God and secondly to each other.

On that same note, the article did mention something else which I'm going to think about for awhile, that being the necessity of men and women being together. Often we focus on that meaning in a marriage sense, but I think it goes beyond that. I think to function well a community needs both men and women, because we are different in many ways and men accell in some areas, whereas women accell in others (not that there aren't exceptions, don't read too much into what I'm saying).

This does however bring up an interesting question that is more aplicable to the more liturgical churches... that being the idea of monastic orders, either men or women. There are many things that I see beneficial and many things that I see troubling about monastic life, so by no means is this a complete condemnation. I can understand how our sexuality can get in the way sometimes, and it can be difficult to focus completely on God, but I've never been quite comfortable with the idea of completely "marrying God" and cutting out other relationships.

That is a discussion for another time though, I will need more time to work through that idea so I'm just going to stop there. The idea is incomplete so don't see what I wrote above as my final opinion on the matter.

The issue of sexuality and human relationships (romantic and non) is another big issue... perhaps next time I feel like putting my fingers down on the keyboard I can go more into my opinions on that.

For now, throw any thoughts or comments at me. My views are always growing and changing, so I welcome any criticism. Just don't yell at me :) That's not very nice and it isn't really productive either!

-Daniel

Why...

Why is it that as Christians we are willing to send missionaries overseas and celebrate when they are martyred or imprisoned or what-have-you for carrying their cross to the completion, yet we are unwilling to face the injustice here?

Furthermore, why am I so unwilling most of the time?

Why do we continue to focus on wealth at the expense of the poor when holy wise men and women have been speaking out against it for thousands of years?

Why is reality tv so popular? Whose reality is it anyway...

Why do we take the short term solutions that end up [explicative]ing us in the end?

Why do we accept the lies the media and our government tell us?

Why does everyone seem to find peace so impractical?

Why does my university claim to live out the ideals of the Jesuits and social justice act so much like a business?

Why do we have to fight so hard for the right thing?

Why do I have to have so many questions?

Why do we care more about celebrities dying and acting out above the thousands who have died in Darfur and Iraq and everywhere else that we don't hear about?

Why do corporations see "labor" as another cost of production, not the lives of people.

Why do so many people complain about the government or about the USA or anything else yet refuse to do anything about it.

Why the [explicative] don't people vote, unless it's for american idol?

Why is the Kingdom of God so hard to see?

How do I express these things in my heart that I have words for?

I have my voice, but not the will to make my own song, I can write, but I don't have the passion to keep me burning, I can speak, but it always seems like a whisper, I can act, but it all seems so small, I can see the pain in other's eyes, but what then can I do?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Come, Lord Jesus Come

My Journey in El Salvador Parte Cuatro

Hola,

Well, I've been back here in Colorado for awhile now. I will try not to make this too long, but there are many things to cover.

My last email was right before we went to the village of Pappaturo. It was a very eye-opening experience. Cliche term, but I do feel much more aware than I was previously.

Unfortunately, I didn't get to experience things as fully as I would have liked, as I got sick a little after we got there. No, I did not directly drink the water. Other people in the delegation also got sick. I
definitely got the worst of it (I'm still not 100% back). This could have happened partially because I ran into some rocks in the ocean and got some pretty bad scrapes and a cut on the bottom of my foot, which might have weakened my immune system a little bit. Whatever the case, I ended up staying in the Campo on Tuesday and missing out on part of the trip.

Pappaturo is an amazing village. The community there is so strong. Everyone that we interacted with was loving and caring, and also very understanding of those of us who didn't know much Spanish. Even being sick I felt like I was part of the community, as people came to check on me, and I learned later that members of the community had been asking other people in our delegation how I was doing. I really wish I had the
opportunity to spend more time with the people there, and at least try to talk with them, but even without that it was a powerful experience.

It was really saddening to me to hear that they only get a priest once or twice a year, except for funerals and weddings, and supposedly the priest charges an unnecessary amount for his services. On the one hand I'm amazed to see such a strong community, but I would wish that God was a bigger part. Given the community that they have already built, I think the depth that following Jesus can bring would be a sight to behold.

After our stay in Pappaturo we returned to San Salvador. The next days were packed as we visited the "ruins" of San Andreas, a Mayan site and learned a little about Mayan spirituality and how it is currently
manifesting itself. Afterwards we went to the UCA (Central American University) a Jesuit institution where the 6 Jesuit priests, and the housekeeper and her daughter were murdered. We heard from Dean Brackley, a Jesuit from America who went down to El Salvador to take the place of one of the murdered priests. He gave us a little bit of the intellectual context we need to return to America.

The evening was finished with a party at the San Francisco de Asis parish where we had a band ("Grupo Mayas"... the Andes sort of Pipe music often seen at local fairs etc.) and then watched some of the youth breakdance. It was a memorable event and I was struck by the simple beauty and joy that existed as our two groups came together and danced.

The next day, after we had packed up we heard the story of Carolina y Damián, our hosts, told by Damián. I hadn't realized how involved he was with the guerrilla movement and had been captured and tortured. It was shocking for me to say the least to realize that this quiet reserved man was so involved.

Next, we visited the memorial wall for those who have been killed. It is similiar to the Vietnam wall in our own country, and it is not yet completed, and there are many names which will not be remembered.

After some quick last minute shopping we were off to the airport, and parted ways with Mateo our wonderful guide.

In the days since, in between getting ready for school and recovering from being sick, I'm not sure if there is much for me to add. I know I will continue to think about El Salvador and figure out how I'm going to stay involved, whether that be in the simple fact of being more aware and sharing stories and learning about what continues to go on there, or perhaps something more active. I don't know. Already now I feel the weight of my life here settling in, my own comfort level returning and my desire to focus back on what I have left here.

It's somewhat difficult to realize how quickly the experience seems to be falling away. It was deeply moving, but so are other parts of my life here that I perhaps do not realize are such. I hope that at the very least I remain aware of how blessed I am.

Hasta Luego,

-Daniel James

Our Responsibility...

This began as a reply to a friend's post, but I decided I was going to make my own statement about it, so here you go:

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The frustrating thing is that, at least in America, if we choose to live an "alternative" lifestyle than the consumerism we live in, it's hard to survive. Even if we go off and start a cooperative, grow our own food etc, we would still probably have property taxes, utilities (unless you use solar power or something, but that would be expensive to start with). And so on and so forth. Even then, not everything could be produced on our own.

To actually go against the culture takes a lot of effort, and probably need to be around other people who share the same values. Sure, it's possible, but how many people are actually going to do it, since its so much easier to stay where we are. Not to mention, to be realistic it would take a certain level of money to start out on your own.

And even when you make that decision, thousands of others don't care or don't want to put in that effort, and thus those who are in power and have money continue to abuse the environment and people and whatever else. It seems like little else but an all out revolution will change anything, but then new people get power and they can become just as bad.

Some of us might be called to educate (whether its college or in a community or church), some to go into politics to try and change things, others can work at organizations. But it is an uphill battle, and it's easy to get discouraged.

What I've realized that at least for those of us who call ourselves Christian, we can look forward to the Kingdom of God returning. I don't mean this in the sense that we have an excuse to give up since God is going to eventually come and restore things anyway. Instead, even though we may not see progress, we can be confident that God is working all things for good.

I think the best thing we can do is to keep ourselves aware of these things in our society that are wrong. Go outside more, actually feel the ground under your feet (and if it isn't snowing, perhaps even take off those shoes!), feel the wind, the sunshine. Talk to people around us, and most definetly pray.

Even if the things we can do are small, like use the car less, buy more local products, go to a farmers market, start a small garden, use less electricity, don't support companies that are unethical, recycle, bring your own bags to the grocery store, buy fair trade and sweatshop-free products, or anything else you can think of. They are small things, but they are important.

For us Christians, its easy to get focued on the making disciples part of bringing the Kingdom of God to earth, but I think protecting our environment and fighting against all sorts of injustice are just as important (Try reading Amos). Just as sharing God with people is a frustrating process, with small steps, so is changing the larger things in our world. None of it is easy but we are still called to do it, and God is going to be with us.