Learning to spell 'Faith'

To begin with, enjoy this wee quizzy. I think it uses far to many big words in an attempt to sound more psychologicaly savvy. Otherwise I think it's interesting. Not sure all of it fits but it's interesting none the less.





So how do I spell Faith if we don't go to the obvious? Now, I could pull from my Linguistics class last semester and do a phonetic transcription, but that's not the kind of movement I'm going for.

The way that I've been learning to spell Faith is Risk. Not to be confused with the infinitely enjoyable board game of the same name, I mean stepping out of my comfort zone, taking chances. I.E. Not staying in my nice warm womb-like bubble and watch the world go by.

This lesson began roughly a month ago.

Out with the old...

Happy Advent everyone.

I see that it's been close to a month since I've posted anything. So as you can see I fixed that.

A lot has gone on in the last few weeks: finals, roommate, relationship, snow... More on all of these momentarily. I've actually gotten around to cleaning a bit. My room is nowhere near perfect... there are still piles of various things to go through, today's laundry to put away, papers to sort, recyclables to take to recycling... not to mention cleaning the bathroom. But overall, there are improvements.

If you didn't notice, there has been a blizzard here in Colorado, so I've been stuck at home for the last few days. Except for not being well prepared with food I've had a pretty good time. Unlike some of my friends and my roommate, I've been perfectly content staying here. No cabin fever for me! In fact, in some ways I'm actually glad that the blizzard happened.

The reason I say that is because I decided to work at the school store for awhile over break before I head to El Salvador in the beginning of January. I mainly did it because I knew they needed help, but there was part of me that wanted to simply relax. My second day of work (on Monday) was actually fairly stressful psychologically. I had forgotten how much of a joker one of the staff was and so he got me going that one of the former employees was arrested for dealing drugs. For an hour. I was fairly embarrassed.

I know that the days I will be there after Christmas will be not very fun, since we were behind already and we are going to be quite behind now. But, all things considered, I really needed the break.

Up until last week, I had some very stressful things going on. The first was school, the second was my former roommate.

Now, I admit completely that my situation with school was mainly my fault. I am a procrastinator and I'm not afraid to admit it. It gets me in very bad situations though, such as getting close to not passing classes because I didn't turn in essays... that kind of thing. But, regardless of how it happened, I was certainly stressed out from it, and the last two weeks of school were very busy for me. Even when I did try to manage my time, assignments took longer than I expected they would which I'm sure gave a lot of stress to my teachers. The worst part is that in all technicality it is now the third semester in a row that has turned out like that. I still haven't learned! The fact that I eeked by everything probably doesn't help because that means there is a little whisper in the back of my mind that I'm going to get through it anyway.

I really want to finish my last semester strong. It helps that I'm taking one less class next semester, so hopefully I can breathe better. The flip side, however, is that they are all upper level, except my voice lesson and choir (well, the choir I'm in is technically 400 level but it's not stressful). So I will be dealing with two English, a Philosophy and a Senior Seminar. I pray that I actually keep up with my papers this next semester. I started out this past one well, but it died near the end.

This brings me to my second stress. I think that this one also impacted my schooling in some ways. I didn't think it was that stressful at the time, but I think underneath it was getting to me.

This was because my former roommate was not a very nice person. To help you understand, here is the list of things that were broken or damaged while he was here: two computers, two monitors, one TV, one game system, one guitar, the carpet in his room, smoking in his room, the blinds in his room, pots and pans, the stove, and an undetermined amount of food and alcohol which we believe he purposefully spoiled, or in the case of the alcohol, poured it out, put water in the bottles and put them back in the fridge. I also think he tried to break into the downstairs part of our house after we put a lock on the door. This and tracking a huge amount of dirt onto the carpet because he always went in and out to smoke.

The worst part, is we can't prove for sure that he did it. It's all circumstantial evidence since we never saw him do any of it. We did have the police come and we have a report filed, but I don't think there is anything we can do about it. We didn't collect a deposit from him, since he technically sub-leased from us (if he was actually on the lease there would be hell to pay). So it was a really crappy situation. He is gone now, but I'm not sure what my roommate and I are going to do. We are torn between just letting it go and being glad he is out of our life, or seeking damages (at least for his room, if not for everything suspicious that went on). On the one hand, it's just money, but I don't like him getting away scot free.

So now we are trying to find a new roommate (or more) since the rent is a bit much for two of us to manage. But I think we should be able to find somebody.

On the bright side, I'm officially in a relationship. It's nice. Actually nice is quite the understatement and I'm not sure how best to actually put it into words, so I will leave it to your imagination. It's also difficult, because we have our differences, naturally, not to mention the problem of her living about 30 minutes away by car and me not having a car. Fortunately, her roommate goes to school with me, so it's easy for the three of us to end up together. However, because of that and both of our schedules being busy, we actually haven't had a "date" where we got a significant amount of time alone together.

The wonderful thing about it is that she doesn't especially mind. Of course we would love to spend more time together, however, she just recently got a car (I'm a more confident driver!) and still uses the bus so she completely understands the situation. I can understand completely how it can be a bit exasperating to have to deal with my transportation needs (especially for her roommate which does the majority of it) but I'm not given the same sort of criticism that I received before.

I suppose those are the main events of the last few weeks. Next is Christmas!

Speaking of relationships and Christmas, it's an interesting thing figuring out if she and I can do anything together for Christmas. On the one hand, we haven't been dating for that long, so there isn't the need to do things with our respective families, but at the same time, her family knows me, and my parents know her, so that takes away some of the awkwardness. But, considering her family is in Parker and mine is in Lakewood, I don't think we are going to really do anything, especially with the blizzard and us going back to work soon enough.

In some ways I don't mind, because we are going to get together later to exchange presents, but at the same time, it would be nice to spend time with her and with our families (I haven't had a chance to spend much time with her family in awhile since she moved out to Aurora), especially with it being such a significant time of the year for us as followers of Jesus. It would be a better gift than anything I can think of. But, good things are worth waiting for, and this isn't something I want to rush.

Anyway, I hope everyone has an awesome Christmas. Or if you don't observe Christmas, blessings on however you celebrate.

Peace on Earth

-Daniel

[Insert Ambiguous All-Inclusive Title Here]

Being that I haven't written in a little while, I'm hoping I can cover a few subjects at once. That, and despite the late hour I'm not tired enough to go to bed and I think some good writing will help me get to sleep.

First, SOA. Since we got back right before Thanksgiving, I didn't get much of a chance to process because I got thrown into the mix of everything else going on. Now that I've had a little while to process, along with having a gathering last night (that is, Wed night) with a bunch of us to share pictures and brainstorm where we go from here.

So the experience is currently in my mind so I'm going to get out some of my thoughts now.

It was a very interesting experience. As I said before in my posts leading up to the SOA, it's not your stereotypical picketing with signs kind of protest.

It began with the "Ignatian Family Teach-In" which is more or less a social justice conference and a gathering point for Jesuit Universities, High Schools, Parishes, Jesuit Volunteer Corp and a handful of other Catholic groups. It was a good experience, especially hearing from some of the students of different universities. Unfortunately I was tired Friday evening and Saturday morning so I was in-and-out during a large percentage of the talks, which is unfortunate because there were some very good speakers.

After that, we were able to hang out at the "Rally" which I equate to a fair or festival. There is a stage up near the gate to Fort Benning, with speakers and music, along with vendors up and down the street (quite an eclectic mix for sure, anything from socialist anarchists and the green party to Grandmothers for Peace to conspiracy theorists, and student and religious groups) which was fun to explore. I got some good bumper stickers :)

Saturday evening concluded with a Mass, which was interesting, especially with the huge number of universities high schools and other groups represented, but there was still that lingering disconnection I experience being a non-catholic in a deeply catholic world. But I'm glad I stayed instead of joining the other members of our group who didn't join the Mass. Kinda. What Would Jesus Do anyway? Haha.

We gathered after the Mass and have a group meeting, discussing what thoughts we might have as we moved into the heart of why we were there the next day. It was a very moving experience, hearing the stories and the pain of some of our delegation. What was most moving to me, enough to cause me to catch my breath even as I write it was the pain of one of our leaders, as he expressed the heaviness and pain that he feels in his heart, knowing that he is in some ways responsible for destroying some of our innocence about the world, even though he knows it is necessary. This is where I don't know if I can describe my experience. For how can I put into words the breaking of my heart?

Sunday was what you would call the protest. They (or is it we? not sure) call it the "Solemn Funeral Procession" where we assemble in front of the gate and process towards it, calling out after the name of someone killed by one of the Graduates of the SOA/WINSEC "Presente!" which means "present" hearkening to the (predominantly) Catholic belief of the Communion of the Saints and thus their presence and prayers going with us, (although, I think it also fits well with the thought that we present them to the school) and upon reaching the gate place whatever crosses or banners we have carried, onto the fence, creating a beautiful memorial. It is also at this point that some people choose to use civil disobedience and cross onto the base, promptly being arrested. 16 crossed this year.

The rest of our time was spent wandering around the grounds, thinking, talking, processing through what we just went through. On my part I got to do a little shopping and spend some time with some other people from Colorado whom I knew (including the awesome guy that was my coordinator of the Romero House over the summer, and one of the other awesome guys that I got to work with at the St. Francis Center).

Where I find myself in response to this crossroad in my life is perhaps not as much an increased passion to close the SOA/WINSEC, but an overall call to be aware, from anything to fair trade goods, sweatshops, political and social issues, non-violence... Social Justice in all it's forms. I don't think I can say that I feel God directing me to a life wholly devoted to Social Justice as many people I know are, but I know it is something I cannot ignore. Something I cannot forget about and sweep under the carpet.

The world is broken. Enough so that if I dwell on it, it could crush me. I know even more why I, and the world, need Jesus. I support social and political change, education, protests, controversy and whatever else you could think of. But I don't believe that any of that without Jesus has any chance to succeed.

This leads to the next big thing in my life.

With the SOA, I didn't have much of a chance to think about this, but in a little over a month, I will be in El Salvador. A Pilgrimage. A chance to see right in front of me some of the issues which I protested down in Georgia.

I'm not sure if I'm ready.

In some ways I wish I was going with at least someone else from my church. In our group, there is a Lutheran Professor, and the rest are mainly Catholic, or at least raised Catholic and currently questioning, and then there is me. This presents the same kind of challenge that I experienced with the SOA. Not only are not everyone going of a theological bent closer to me, many are not as spiritual, at least in the Jesus sense, which means that in a fundamental way, there is a necessary lack of depth as we don't want to exclude anyone.

And even with the people who I know who are followers of Jesus, God bless them, are not necessarily those who I feel like I could pour my heart out too. Maybe two of them. But I don't know. Even then, I don't think they would pray for me. At least not in the way my church does it. I know that God will probably use me, and that hopefully I can reach out some. But I wonder who will reach out to me?

With the SOA and now this, it seems like I'm going into it alone. To put it very generally, I'm more Catholic than most of my Evangelical friends, but more Evangelical than my Catholic friends, and I feel caught in the middle, where I know for the most part who I am and where I am with God, but when I look around me I only see a few people that are where I am at. And none of them are coming to El Salvador with me.

Sure, God is with me. But it's not supposed to be just me and God. It's a community. And I seem to be stuck between two worlds. My Church and my School. I wonder if I'm going to be able to handle this.

It's going to be hard enough going to a country that speaks Spanish while I only gained un poco from 4 years of studying it (I experienced that in Spain) but one that has experienced so much pain and hardship and is still living it now.

I know we are going to go to a Mass down there and God Dammit I don't want to be cut off from communion. Not there. Damned Church Politics and Theology. What happened to the Body of Christ? How can I be in communion with the wonderful people I'm going with and with the country so broken, when I can't share it with them?

How long must my heart cry out? How can we hope to heal the broken world if we cannot even heal the brokenness between all those who follow Jesus. Come Holy Spirit and wash us pure, make us whole... "As we cry out to You, oh Lord make us one / Let the whole earth see through us what You’ve done / May our hands find reach for what our words can’t preach / Oh Lord make us one"

By the way. Every 11 seconds, someone dies from AIDS. Remember in your prayers those 25 Million who have died, the 40 Million currently infected, and the countless children, spouses, families and friends affected by this disease.