Things I learned today

1) My relationship with my parents, along with my parents relationship have a much larger impact on me than I thought it did.

2) On one level I deeply desire to have intimate relationships (both romantically, with God, and to an extent friendships with other guys) but there is something about it that scares me from amidst the depth of my heart.

3) I need to forgive my father.

4) I really do need a lot of encouragement, and I really do get a lot out of people encouraging me.

5) I got reminded that Satan really isn't that creative, and that most of his attacks on people are fairly generic. Not only that, but because he cannot create anything, all he does is pervert and twist something God created to be good in order to trip us up.

6) I need to take hold of the promise that everything is completed in God's eyes. He is outside of time thus he sees me as perfect, how he intends me to be. Therefore, there is a level where I need to accept that nothing I do here on Earth matters in that equation. That doesn't mean I shouldn't continue to serve God with my all, mainly that no matter how badly I sin, God still accepts and loves me, and there is no reason to get caught up in things. Instead, I need to repent (turn around) and actually forgive myself.

7) With all these things in mind... I'm still lonely, but there's the rub, a relationship with a girl or some deep friendships with men isn't going to change that. I need God.

8) I really need sleep, it is way past my current bed time.