Some thoughts on relationships....

This was originally a comment on a friend's post about her frustration with relationships. I ended up writing a quite lengthy response, and I decided I would modify it slightly and post it as a blog... sooo here you go:

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From my own experience and from what I have seen in other people, after I start focusing on God instead, thats when the other things start to fall into place. From what my first gf said, it wasn't too long after she gave up on trying to find someone to date, that she realized that I was a pretty good guy, and so it went from there. I think not only is focusing on God in the first place good in itself, but it also helps to focus myself on what really would be important to me in a relationship.

I have to say, I'm finding myself in an interesting place right now. It's not that I'm not enjoying being single, but I am finding myself feeling lonely, despite having some really awesome friends and housemates. It's so easy for me to believe that if I find the right person and start dating that I will feel better... but in my heart I know that it is God first, and that through God I can have a really meaningful relationship... But that doesn't seem to make sense enough in my mind that I want to do that. I would rather take it into my own hands and try and fix it myself instead of just giving it up to God...

Looking back on the weird relationship type thing that I got into a few weeks ago, I think I became too interested in being in a relationship before actually getting to know someone well, so I gave into the pressure and gave up on some of the boundries I know I should have followed, and in the end I found myself thrown aside more or less. I'm just glad I was able to keep my focus on God otherwise I think it could have affected me much more than it did.

I guess thats the really hard part about relationships. From what I can tell from my experience, the biggest part in having a sucessful relationship with another person requires a sucessful relationship with God. After that, I feel it is extremely important to really get to know someone before a relationship gets serious. I don't think that necessarily means you can't hang out with someone or go on some dates before you know them well, but it is important in that time to keep strong boundaries, both physically and emotionally... And both of those things are hard to do. I know for me, that if I jump into a relationship before I have developed in myself the focus needed to spend time with God, being in a romantic relationship would make it that much harder to spend time with God. As far as the boundaries part... that is also hard for me because part of me wants to be able to open up completely, and to be able to be intimate with a person... but the hard part of that is that it can become a 'slippery slope' as it were, with each step making it harder to keep from taking the next, until the relationship has degraded into something else... which is not pleasant at all.

The hardest part about all of this, is that although it makes sense in my mind, and I know how it should work out and what would be best for me, it is very difficult to actually pull it off... to give up all my control and trust God. I want to be with someone and hold them and get to know them but how can I do that until I get to know God deeper? Yet I can't seem to bring myself to actually spend the time with God, despite how awesome it is... Every time I have a deep experience with God, I wonder to myself how I can not want to spend time with him... yet at times like right now it doesn't seem that exciting and I would rather sit and play a game than get to know my Almighty Creator who Loves me... to quote Kutless "It all seems backwards in my head"

Anywho, I guess you can tell I have been thinking about this kinda stuff for awhile ~laughs~ Signing off for now.

-Daniel