Speechless...

I'm not sure what to say really. Not sure if I can describe how I'm feeling. I have such a sense of peace... hope... like things are going in the direction that they should be. I would be lying if I said that my fears have completely dissolved, but they have faded considerably.

So far, with my new friend... every fear that I have expressed, every concern that I have had, has been met with a comforting response. There is truly something special about this girl. She really is different... so much different than all the girls I have been interested in up to this point in my life. There is such a strong bond forming between us right now, and this is after what... a week of talking to each other on the internet and over the phone?

It's like... many of my pains and hurt from my last relationships have been brought to the surface over the last few days... And the funny thing is I feel like this has allowed it to begin to heal. There is something different, something more mature that can exist between me and another person, that can be completely different from what has gone on before... and I don't have to be afraid. I know that this can only come through God working in my life.

This is exactly what I have meant when I have said that bringing things to the surface and facing them are when they can begin to heal. Am I completely over what happened in my past? No. Do I still have my demons to face, my struggles... my bad habits and mis-perceptions about me and the world? Of course... but I know that they can be healed.

I am so thankful to God right now... I wasn't expecting this at all. God is Good... I know this in the depths of my Soul. "Be not afraid, I am with you"... I can feel the truth in that, and the love that he shows to me. I am also thankful that he has put my friend into my life, working through her to meet a place in me that was hurt and afraid. I do not know what God has in store for us, what may happen with us in the future... but I am sure of one thing; I am going to be eternally grateful for this moment.

I know there are more things that I need to forgive myself for... and to ask for forgiveness.. ways that I must continue to grow. I am grateful for this opportunity to see part of me clearly, and see where I need to let God in to grow. It's still hard... but God never said it would be easy, he only said he would always be with us, and those are some of the most beautiful words that I will ever hear, because there is so much more depth in that than I can comprehend.

Thank you Jesus