Retreats are fun.

Well, just got back from High Altitude, a retreat for high-schoolers up in the mountains near Winter Park (Before you ask I went as a leader).

It was a really great experience. If you gathered anything from my last post I had a lot on my mind going up to the retreat. The retreat is designed mostly for kids who are not Christian, show them the basics and all that, but there were a few things that I got out of it.

Really going back and remembering why Jesus died can make you think.

I'm not sure if I can really say I have a resolution for any of the things I was struggling with going up, I didn't honestly get that much time to sit back and think about it, but it wasn't really the reason I went up there. My stressful week just happened to come before the retreat.

I do think I have come to a better place about whether I should try and look for a relationship right now.

The relationship that I need to work on first is with God, if I try and date somebody, it is just going to be trying to fill a hole, especially since it would be kind of a re-bound from my last girl friend (even though we haven't been dating for a few months, I have ranted enough about it that I don't think I really need to say more). I think that what needs to be done is settle things with her before I can move on to something else.

I don't want to be bitter, but about an hour ago she gave me a call, and the first thing I heard was a complaint about me not calling her back. Now, I admit I was a bit snappy and rude when I responded that I had just gotten back a few minutes before. I didn't get that much sleep over the weekend, so I'm a little tired. I'm not going to try and make an excuse. I do know that because I'm kinda tired here that it wasn't hard to set me off. It just really bugged me that she would start off with that. It's not like it was something new for her to say, and she could have been more or less joking, but I really get tired of it.

I understand that it is a little rude not to call her back, but I have homework to catch up with so I was expecting to talk to her later. She was the one who chose to call me again, and I don't appriciate that she complains about me not calling back.

Frankly, I wasn't thinking about calling her back. Not really at the front of my mind. I admit, I don't have the best track record for calling people back in the first place. Not really helping our relationship much, but I'm starting to think (more seriously than I have before) that maybe it is time to cut things off.

I didn't want this to turn into a rant about my relationship, but I think it is too late to stop that. I haven't really grown in my relationship with her for awhile now (at least it feels that way). Lately, I have felt more like I have been trying to save a boat with a huge hole in it. I can solve some of the smaller problems, but there is the big hole, and the boat is slowly sinking. There would have to be major changes in both my life and hers, and I don't see it happening.

There were things I was holding on to, reasons why I wanted to keep a relationship with her possible, but I think I have let go (or at least loosened my grip on) some of those things (at least the ones which are not good reasons to keep a relationship). I guess I will just have to go from here. The week has already started off badly, so we will see what happens next.

Now where was I... Ah yes.

Like I said, what I need to work on is my relationship with God. I need to come to a better place with him before I can really have a healthy dating relationship.

I still hope I can develop my friendship with the girl who goes to school here, but I think I need to wait on that, because I think that if we got closer that we would end up dating, and I don't think that I can handle that right now, as much as I have enjoyed dating.

I really had a great time with my old youth group. The retreat touched me in many ways, and I'm glad for the experience.

More thoughts later perhaps.

~Daniel