Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Well that wasn't so bad...

Today went pretty well for the most part.

I got my application for Peer Ministry. I have to turn it in by Friday. That means, I have to do my resume, a cover letter, a 2 page question response, not to mention get out the 3 recommendations. This on top of all the homework I have to do.

the AGAPE group is tomorrow, but I haven't gotten any fliers out like I was supposed to. Sigh. Hopefully I can get more on top of it in the next few weeks. I really need to settle in to a better schedule to adapt to all the work I'm going to be doing this semester.

Been wondering about acne today... heh. Not that my face is horrible or anything, but I know it could be a lot better. I looked into a suggestion or two, but I want to do more research. I don't want to end up paying too much just to have a clean face.

My Bible Study was good tonight. Reminded me that we are not in control... we don't know about our future, but God knows, so as long as we trust in him, and follow him as best as we are able, things will turn out alright.

I need to get down and get signatures for my service learning contract. Hopefully I can do it Saturday, b/c it is due on Friday and I'm not sure when else I would do it. Bother.

Next weekend is the high-altitude camp so I couldn't do it then, even if it wasn't due that Friday.

My Environmental Ethics textbook was about 13$ more than I thought it was going to be... I saw it for 55 online and I thought it wasn't worth the effort, so I waited until today... and it was 73$... ouch. One or two less meals out or something like that I suppose.

I haven't talked to my friend yet today, so I don't really have anything to comment about that. I really hope I don't have anything negative to rant about anyway.

It's funny, there she was last night saying that there wasn't a single thing in her life that she wanted to change, when I was talking to her, feeling hurt and being close to wanting to cry. I'm glad she had such a good day. Too bad mine wasn't.

I have so much homework to take care of... Latin translation for tomorrow, Chaucer & Buddhism reading for Thursday, more Latin & New Testament themes for Friday. I also have a reflection for my University Ministry Practicum for Monday, and a chunk of reading for my nifty two hour and 45 minutes long Environmental Ethics class. Not to mention, the Latin and New Testament stuff that would be due that Monday also. Let's not forget the stuff for the Peer Ministry application. I hope I can find the time to go into the career center to get help on my resume and cover letter. Which at this rate is going to be Thursday or early Friday >.<;;.

I'm supposed to be looking over the DJB stuff while my superior in the game gets his computer fixed, but I really don't have the time or the interest to put in anything to that.

Seriously, if my friend tells me that her week is so much busier than hers, I think I'm going to explode. She hasn't had the time to tell me all that she has to do for the week, but I really dislike being told that my week is nothing compared to hers. Even if it is "true" it is like she is saying "Mine is so much worse than yours, so you can't say anything about it, because if I can get through what I have, then you can get through what you have to do, and you don't see me complaining about my stuff do you?" I admit, I can stick my foot in my mouth once in awhile when I complain about something petty, when they really do have to get up earlier than I do and stuff like that, but thats my own fault. When it gets shoved in my face that my week is nothing, it's kinda annoying, to say the least.

Well, that's all that comes to mind for now. Time to try and buckle myself down and work on one of my many projects.

Until next rant.

Daniel

Not sure how I feel about today...

Today was a long day.
(well, considering it is after 12, it is "tomorrow" but I haven't gone to sleep yet, so as far as I'm concerned it is today)

I had my first real Monday. I have my 10:30- 11:20 class, which is fine, followed by a nice long break until 2:30, but that's when the fun really starts. Classes from 2:30 to 5:15, with a 45 minute break until 6, where I have a 6:00 to 8:50 class. Which was then followed by homework.

My weekend was pretty nice, I can say that at least. I attended a leadership conference on Friday Night and Saturday, followed by Saturday Night Church. I hope I can get into more detail about the conference when I have more time, since I really learned some good stuff from it, and I don't want to forget.

Sunday, I got to go to my old church, not the one which has been having all the troubles lately (and not the one I go to on Saturday Night) but the one I grew up in. It was nice to go back and meet people I hadn't seen in awhile, but it isn't a place where I would want to go back to, permanently anyway. I do hope I can visit more though.

After that, it was back to Regis where I messed around for about 6 hours trying to get a slipstreamed copy of Windows XP to work so I can re-install it on my computer, since my floppy drive decided to die. I'm still trying to customize the CD more, before I do a complete re-install.

I shouldn't have spent as much time on it as I did, but I still managed to get some homework done. I still have some that I'm working on for tomorrow, but things are rolling pretty smoothly for now. I'm going to have a huge amount of reading for all of my classes, so that is going to mean I am going to really have to change my schedule if I'm going to survive. That means LESS COMPUTER. I need to do that anyway, but it is a painful way to go.,

Anyway... back to why I'm not sure about how I feel about today... Well, my classes went pretty well, it is going to be a challenge this semester but I'm going to be learning lots of new things, so hopefully it will be worth it. I also got to spend a little time with one of my friends and help her with some creative writing stuff, and that was pretty fun.

The one thing that made it rough... well if you know me well enough, I bet you could guess before I say it. My odd sort of relationship with a certain someone.

I dunno, neither of us have much time on our hands lately, because of school, work and things like that. We used to talk more, but now, this week especially, we really haven't talked much.

The past two days, she has spent most of her evenings working on homework and whatever else she needs to get done... but how she has done that is be online for a little while, talk, and then disappear for 20 minutes, say something, then be gone for the rest of the night, without even a word. After talking to her tonight, I was just supposed to realize that she was busy with homework, and since that she isn't talking to me online that she isn't talking to anyone. I do believe her, but it still hurts. Am I so wrong for being suspicious when last night she doesn't respond for hours, and doesn't pick up the phone when I call to say goodnight. And when today she just disappears again? And when she mentioned some guy online who wants to sleep with her (not that it is hard to find that if you talk much online like she does), or that she has been talking on the phone with her ex boyfriend, who, completely f***ed up her life, yet she still talks to him, and has considered seriously moving in with him because she could get free rent, be away from her family, and have a bed buddy, even if she wouldn't ever date him again. Or if she has expressed her "NEED" to have sex, since she slept with him and really enjoyed it, and she doesn't want to give up, and has resolved to have sex sometime this year, and when I tell her that it isn't something I want to do, that I can't complain if she goes off and finds somebody "just to sleep with, I wouldn't want a relationship with them" because she offered me first. WELL EXCUSE ME FOR BEING PARANOID.

ARGH. I don't even want to get into that whole little thing that I got into. I could say so much more about that. But I really don't want to. She has her "needs" she says. It doest have anything to do with me, she says. I haven't really had sex so I wouldn't understand what its like to be in her position, she says. I have already had sex so I don't have any reason to try and not do it, she says. I don't know why you get so upset if I would have sex with my ex again, its already something I have done so its not like I'm losing anything, she says.

I could say so much more.

She doesn't seem to understand how much I want to care about her, and how much it is about me, and how much more sex is than just... sex, and why it does matter if she tries to be abstinent now even though she has had sex, even if she enjoys it so much. She doesn't understand how much it hurts to hear her say something about it, even if she is completely joking.

She jokes about something like that, and when I get upset, she tells me I'm being too serious, and I should lighten up, even when I have told her that I don't find subjects like that funny.

Some days, I feel like there is so much hope for our relationship, that even with all the crap that we have gone through, that we can get through more. Today doesn't feel like one of those days. But, if there is going to be any hope at all, I have to trust God, know he is working... know that it is all on his time, and if things are going to change, he will make them change, and if he is going to lead me away... well I pray that I have not closed my eyes to it.

There is one thing that I can appreciate, with as much as all of this has hurt. I understand just a little bit better how God must feel, every time we sin against him. And how much it must have hurt Jesus when he died on the cross, for me, and loves me, no matter what I have done, and no matter how much I turn away from him.

If I can come through this, and love, no matter what pain, no matter how much it hurts, no matter anything at all, then I believe I can start to love others more. If I can stand, and be there for her, and watch her... Even if she would go and do something, that would completely break my heart, I do not believe I could turn away from her. If God can put up with me, with his entire church, no matter what we do to him, then God can give me the strength to love her. My only fear is that I could become blinded, and if God called me away that I would miss it... or that I would try to do this on my own power. Part of me is also afraid that she will do something, that if her words and thoughts can tear my heart apart, how much it would truly hurt if she actually went through with something, and the strength it would take to remain standing with her. I know if I try to do it myself, I am sure to fail, that the strength would be too great. But if I am to stand with her, if I am right, that it is what God wants me to do, as long as I look to him, I will have strength.

It does not mean, that it will not hurt. Jesus himself asked if there was another way... asked that the cup be taken away from him, but submitted himself to God's will regardless. The beatings and crucifixion he took, and the millions of disciples afterwards who followed him to death, felt real pain, died real deaths, but rejoiced, and found joy in it none the less. If that can be done, through love, for me and for all in the world, than it can be done in this.

Amen.

Daniel

Thursday, January 20, 2005

So priketh hem nature in hir corages...

Wow, Chaucer is definetly going to be interesting.

There is so much subtle humor and irony and all that... and this is only after two classes. I think I'm really going to enjoy this, even if I'm going to be blushing every other class or so. It's going to be difficult since Middle English is in many ways vastly different than modern English, so it's going to take getting used to. Especially with some words which may look the same, but has completely different or alternate meanings in Middle English (hence some of the humor).

I will do fine though. It's just going to take a lot more effor to start to comprehend it all.

Anyway, thats all I have for now, so until later.

Daniel

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

And Another

So passes my second day of school.

I have now been to all but two of my classes. The only reason for that, is that they are Monday classes, and we started on Tuesday. I'm going to enjoy all the subjects I'm studying. But it's going to be very hard. I know this already.

Latin was hard enough last semester, and I have more of it this semester. It shouldn't be too bad, since it's going to involve lots of things from my first semester, but that means I have to remember it. Bother. On top of that, which involves new vocab and quizzes each week, I'm taking a class on Chaucer. Now, this isn't a nice translation of Chaucer. This is pure middle english. So, I'm going to have to spend more time reading than I'm used too.

Beyond that... my class on Buddhism. Our teacher pretty much said in the first class that if we weren't a Junior or Senior that we (probably) shouldn't be in this class because it is a 400 level class. Two other people in my class that are my friends are in it, so I'm not too worried. It will probably be pretty hard. I had a 400 level class last semester though, so I shouldn't have too much of a problem.

My other Religious Studies class shouldn't be as hard, it is New Testament Themes. I have quite a few friends in the class, most of them are also in my dorm. The only part that is probably going to be difficult about that is service learning, and even then, that is something I have already done so its not a big deal. I'm probably going to end up working at the same site this semester anyway.

Speaking of 400 level classes, one of my monday classes is a 400 level class too, Environmental Ethics. I know I have a few friends in that class already, and who knows who else might be in it. However, since I haven't been to it yet, I can't say what it might be like.

My other monday class is just my Practicum for my University Ministry job, which isn't really that difficult. Not to mention that my supervisor at work is the one running the class. Course that means he is going to make me help him out once in awhile (ha... what am I kidding, probably more than once in awhile, lol).

So there you go, thats my class schedule for the year. Don't be too surprized if I become even more of a recluse. I'm not sure how I'm going to do anything for say... the Dark Jedi Brotherhood (DJB for future reference) which I'm involved with. Not to mention other online things, and other extracurricular activities, and my work on campus. Oh well, that is what I'm paying to be in college for after all, to learn and learn well.

Not too much went on socially today. Some things happened yesterday that I could comment on, but I don't feel like doing that now. I'm about to go help one of my friends with something for the aformention DJB. Actually, I did have more socially than I thought of.

AGAPE, the group that I'm involved with for my work began today. We had an awesome discussion on Non-Violence. I believe I mentioned that it was going to happen in my last post. The Professor had to leave at 6:00, and the discussion continued for another hour for those who could stay. Both parts were good, but I think I probably got more out of the second half, since the professor follows the Pragmatic tradition, which in a word is not Theistic, while the people who stayed to talk were all Theistic in some way or another, so we were able to talk about Non-Violence from a more Judeo-Christian standpoint, and relate more of our own lives too it.

So that was really fun, and thought provolking, probably one of the best AGAPE's that I have been too. Anyway, my friend is waiting, so I better go. Until next time.

Daniel

Tuesday, January 18, 2005


My life. Sad isn't it. Posted by Hello

One day down...

Well, my first day of classes is coming to an end.

It went pretty well for the most part. There was a little bit of an error for my food account, but that was partly my fault b/c I didn't know that I had to re-apply for the particular meal plan that I'm on every semester. But I got that taken care of today so hopefully everything will be resolved tomorrow.

My first two classes went well. I already have homework in my classes, but thats not so bad. I am in 400 level classes after all. The group that I help with for work starts tomorrow. We are going to be discussing non-violence with a teacher who is teaching a class on it this semester. I had him for a different class last semester, and he is a really great guy.

I said I would tell more about my break, so I think I might as well do that tonight. The main thing that we did as a family was go down to New Mexico for a few days over Christmas. We mainly went down to go to Canyon Road on Christmas Eve. It's a really awesome event. It is a road that is filled will art galleries and things like that, and it gets filled up completely with luminaries and bonfires. We got to walk up and down it and enjoy the sights.

The next day, we decided to go to the Christmas Mass at the Santa Fe Cathedral to see what it was like. It was different from what I have experienced here on campus, and certainly differen't than the church I attend (well, I'm not Catholic, so that probably is the main reason). But it was still really nice. They had just re-installed the stained glass windows, so it really was beautiful.

After that, we headed down towards Albequerque and ended up having Christmas dinner with some friends of ours that live down there. It was really unexpected, but we had a great time. The last two days were mostly spent hanging around Olde Town Albequerque and then up to Taos on the way back. We also decided to stop at a place called Ojo Caliente (Hot Springs) which is pretty much a little spa resort. The prices were... well, what do you expect from a spa. The buildings looked like they needed a revamp though.

So that was the main hilight of my break. I got to do a lot of other things that I hadn't done much of over the school year, such as visit a number of my friends, shop, and generally relax. I left my computer in my dorm room, in hopes that I would end up spending less time on the computer and online.... HA... didn't really work that well. I just ended up taking of my mothers computer when I was at home... and when I was with my friends the main things we would do would be things like computer games.... oh well, thats my life for you.

That reminds me. There is a cartoon which really illustrates my life for the most part... Just look at the next post to see it.

Anyway, like I said, that was the main thing that I did over my break. Thats about all I have to say for the moment. Maybe I will add more to this if I feel like it later.

Daniel

Monday, January 17, 2005

Back to the Beginning

Well folks, College starts again tomorrow.

My classes are going to be Chaucer, Environmental Ethics, Asian Religion and Philosophy, New Testament Themes, along with continuing Latin and the class for my University Ministry work. I'm looking forward to all of my classes, so I think it's going to be a great semester. I already know I have some friends in some of my classes, and I will find out who else I have in them once I actually go to them. I didn't have to pay too much for books. Especially considering I got about $60's for the only book from last semester that I wanted to sell.

It should be a pretty interesting semester. I have decided that I'm going to try to do some real cooking this semester, so I got myself a nice pan and so on and so forth. We will have to see how that works out. Especially with all the mounting evidence that microwaved food isn't good, I'm going to try and use it as little as possible. I wish I had a sauce pan though, since the one I got is more of a medium sized fry-pan, and I can't do pasta or rice in it, so I'm stuck with the microwave for that.

I wish I could say that the rest of my life was going as smoothly as I think the semester will go.

First off, well, my church seems to be going further and further downhill. Not to mention that both of my parents resigned from the positions they had in our church. There was a vote last
Sunday about whether or not we would accept help from the organization that our church is part of. So we are just stuck in limbo. The only real reason that I have stayed this long is because of my parents and the friends I have in the youth group. I just haven't been getting anything out of going to the church besides my friendships. I'm content with leaving, as much as I want to see the church get healthy again, it's not the place for me any more.

Thankfully I have been going to a saturday night service with one of my other friends who used to go to our church (and not to mention my youth group friends and parents have come... along with one of my best friends). I really like it there. The sermons have challenged me and really made me think, and I really feel cared for there, even though I have only gone to the services and not gotten involved in any way besides that. I really feel like I fit in there, and I think its very likely that I will join that church.

As far as romantic sorts of relationships, well I'm not sure I really want to get into that right now. I'm not dating right now, however I have still been really close with my last g/f. I can't say we are dating right now, but we have nothing like a 'normal' friendship. We could possibly start dating again, if some changes happen, such as me getting a job and car and things like that (of course, I have things that I would want her to work on, but I'm not going to get into that). On my side, I probably not going to try and get a job and car until this summer, since I want to be able to focus on school. Not to mention I have other commitments and a job on campus, so it would be extremely hard for me to find a job that would fit in with my schedule.

As far as how our relationship is going in itself... well... I'm not sure how to really describe that. Right now, I'm still upset at her because of a conversation we had last night, along with some decisions she is thinking about making in her life which are not in her best interest, as much as she would say otherwise. Perhaps I would go into more detail later, but I'm really not up to doing that right now.

The Bible Study I'm involved with started up last week. It was supposed to start the week before, but the snow was bad enough that they postponed it. It didn't go so well for me. I have been going there more for a prayer group that is going to start a College age group, but I was needed to help run a group since there weren't enough leaders. I wasn't able to get the particular group to do anything. Only one person having done the lesson didn't really help matters. I'm disappointed both because I feel like I failed, and also because the kids didn't really get anything out of the meeting part of the study. But, I'm not going to dwell on it.

I think that about covers all the major recent events. More went on during my break from school, but I think I'm going to write something just on that later. I think that what I have written is enough for the moment.

Thats all for now.

Daniel